Sunday, July 20, 2014

Day 99-Walking Away From Your Family Is Hard, Even If It Is Just For A Week

We had almost a two hour ride to the drop off since we stayed in Philly which meant getting up early to just sit in a car. Before we left, Mom and I stopped at the first "LOVE" sculpture and took some photos. Today was my last day with Mom and Hunter and it was really hard. I have always been so attached to that baby; but now she has a great personality and is always smiling, making it even harder. Did I mention it was so hard to leave? I was crying before my mom even got her out of the car. Saying goodbye to Mom and Felix was hard too. They're meeting me this weekend in New York though, so I have that to look forward to. I filled up on water, and walked away into the dreary woods. I headed out around 11:30, and was already in a down mood. The weather didn't help either. It was hot, humid, and overcast calling for thunderstorms-great. I cried a lot missing my family I just left, and was wondering what the hell I am doing out here. There was no initial reason why I wanted to specifically do the Appalachian Trail; I just felt like I had to. I wanted some life experience, and stories, and I've gotten those; so what is going to keep me on the trail until the end? I have a fear of failing, and that is one thing-but is that right? To finish something just for the fear of failing? Am I only miserable because I don't know what I've got until it's gone/over? I'm more than halfway done, and when my journey is over; I am sure I will miss it. But right now, I don't. I was wondering if some time off would help; I need a side adventure of some sort. With summer here, I really am missing my beach trips. All of my hiker friends are behind me now since my slack packing, and I'm not sure how long it will take for them to catch up. I know Barticus and Johnny Walker are doing big weeks to try to catch up, and Lynn will reach Harpers Ferry by next Wednesday, but I really miss Lynn and I think i wouldn't have these thoughts as much if she were still with me. Its like I am trying to rush through something I decided to do in the first place. I have realized I love camping more than hiking. I have already thought about my plans for when I finish my summit of Mt. Katahdin, camping for a week in the woods of Main and not hiking-just reflecting. I really want that relaxing down time which I haven't felt since Woods Hole Hostel. The pressure this hike puts on you is almost as bad as a graphic design job. You have to make high miles, figure out when you can get water (if you even can), plan out food and mail drops, any visitors you may have you need to make sure you meet at the same spot on time. It kills me to see other hikers enjoying themselves when I am having a miserable day. How do they stay so positive? I want to be a free spirit, but I feel like I am being held down to schedules. Pennsylvania was rocky no doubt, but New Jersey is rocky is rocky too. Not boulder rocky like Pennsylvania, but constant small rocks like Maryland-sucks! Why aren't we warned about these states like we are Rocksylvania? And then it started to pour. What more could go wrong with this first day back? I was soaking wet, trudging through muddy streams which is also known as the trail on dry days, and mentally fragile. Made for a bad combination. The rain after awhile subsided, but I was still sloshing in my own shoes and clothes. This is misery, there is nothing pleasant about hiking wet. I finally got to camp where I set up, ate my left over piece of pizza from Philly, changed into dry clothes and went to bed. Here's to tomorrow being better!

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